- So, you know with Quantum Theory...
- Yes?
- You know how there’s the thing where it’s like, there are loads of universes?
- Well, I’d say there are more than ‘loads’, I don’t think ‘loads’ is really doing justice to the scale of the thing. I mean, for every second of the day you live in, there are billions of possible things that could happen, actually no, way more than billions, more than trillions even, there’s unlimited things. So like, in one universe, underneath this here pencil sharpener there is a homeless man trying to sell us a wheelie bin, or maybe in another one, Ben and Jerry’s have an ice cream flavour called ‘THE PUTRIFICATION OF THE VIRGIN MARY’, or… I bet there’s a universe, yeah, I bet there’s a universe where rope can talk. There is literally a universe where rope can talk but only in Esperanto. You ever talked to a rope? Thought so. Don’t you see though? So what I’m trying to say is - no, stop licking me - what I’m trying to say is that ‘loads’ just isn’t doing it justice. Loads can be so little, think about it. Take, for example, cats; so if you walk into a telephone box, how many is loads? Maybe like three, or four? Yeah, I’d say if you got holed up in a telephone box with four cats you’d be more than within your rights to say there were loads. And, for me at least, there is just a rather large, let’s say too large, gap between four and infinity.
- Yeah, okay. But what I was, this is pretty good, what I was trying to say was, like, where are they?
- Where are what?
- The universes. Because they’ve got to be somewhere, don’t they? They can’t just be nowhere, because nowhere isn’t there. It doesn’t exist. Everything has got to be ‘where’ in some way or another.
- Well, I guess, but we’re talking about universes here. Not, like, sticks or planets or frogs whatever.
- Okay, I do get that but they’ve got to be somewhere. So like, and don’t interrupt me just for a minute please, say they were next to each other, the universes. In a line or whatever. And they’re circular aren’t they, probably. Like ball shaped I guess -
- I think what’s happening here is you’re fundamentally missing the point on a very large number of levels -
- No, no I’m not, please can you just not interrupt me for one time, just one, because this is important. And anyway, they must be ball shaped, because they’re hardly going to be square, are they. So, say they’re in a row, or actually it doesn’t matter what order they’re in, because, with the shape they’re in, there’s always going to be some space in between, isn’t there. So, imagine, and this is another Quantum thing that I heard, that you got moved there. Because, with the atoms being able to move anywhere, there must be a universe out of all of the loads of them - no, no you can fuck right off - there must be a universe where one day, all the atoms in your whole body just up and move straight over to the space in between the universes. Whatever it is there. So let’s call this place ‘between’. You’d be in ‘between’, wouldn’t you. In Between. So what I was trying to say was imagine what you’d think, or do or whatever, if you ended up there. Just close your eyes for a moment and try to imagine what exactly it would be like to be in the midst of so much nothingness. To be perfectly suspended in such vacuous plenitude. Do you think you could call yourself a god, balanced in that impeccable dialectic harmony between such a multitude of practically identical universes? Perhaps that’s where heaven is. Perhaps it’s where the souls of the living lie in wait, and come to rest. Perhaps it’s inner peace, transcendent glory, to exist merely in contemplation of stars and cosmos and matter. It would be deity, wouldn’t it?
It was at that moment that the employees of Kebab Kid witnessed The Ascension To Heaven Of Oliver Off Of Down The Road.
