Hi, my name is James Mannion with a P in the middle. I live in a town called Battle, where the Battle of Hastings was fought, near Hastings, where it wasn’t. I like to wear trainers because they give you a spring in your step and an added sense of urgency in the quest to defeat the encroaching forces of decay, but sometimes I wear other shoes, for example in the summer I wear sandals with socks to hide the fact that I actually have quite broad feet. I used to entertain romantic notions of hope and decency but recently I got an alarming sense of my own mortality and stopped playing Football Manager. Well, mostly. I’m single and looking to meet someone. Anyone. Nothing matters in the slightest but that’s ok if you don’t mind.